Living With (Someone With) Anxiety ~GUEST POST~

Today's post is a post written by my partner of 4 and a half years. He's wonderfully tolerant and supportive of me and my ventures, including this blog, so he actually managed to get swindled in to writing one for me. Below is what he wrote when I asked him to talk about "what it means/what it's like to be dating someone with anxiety." Next week, I'll share my perspective.

"Today is the worst. Just awful. Everything is ruined. I am the embodiment of sadness."
"Nevermind." - Catana Comics 

I’m not sure where to start with this, but here goes.

There was a time when I thought I understood anxiety. I thought it was when people worried about things that were uncertain to them, or perhaps it was that added edge you get when you are scared or just not looking forward to something. If someone told that version of me that they had anxiety, in the back of my head I would think to myself “No kidding, everyone does at some point”. What I have learned is that my definition of anxiety was reflective of a temporary emotion; something that comes and goes at times of stress, yet had no authority over your actions. Needless to say, I was woefully incorrect.

I absolutely do not proclaim to know any significant amount about anxiety, but I would like to share a perspective from some of my own experiences that may help others learn as I do every day.

I have learned that days for my partner are not either “good” or “bad” in terms of anxiety, but rather they can be anything in between the continuum of both. Knowing this helps me understand why her attitude or feelings may change throughout the day, and allows me to be adaptable to support her. Being adaptable is really key for me, actually. Sometimes we cancel things we have planned because the thought of doing them has begun to make her anxious. On the other hand, we often plan things weeks in advance so that she can have control over what’s going to happen. This isn’t always easy, especially for someone like me that is pretty bad at planning things. It can also be frustrating when we end up canceling plans we’ve made. I’m starting to learn, however, that when we communicate well together, we rarely run into problems and can support each other fully in whatever it is we are doing. Again, ironically, I used to be a terrible communicator. I am by no means great at it now, but it is so much easier to understand (at a basic level) what her triggers may be and what I can do to lessen their likelihood, just by talking about it.

Choose your own adventure! Do you want to...
Go to the park? -> figure out clothes/imagine possible disasters -> Worry about people-> curl up in a pathetic lump and cry
Do the recycling? -> look at insurmountable heap of recyclables -> curl up in a pathetic lump and cry
Curl up in a pathetic lump and cry? -> go to couch -> -> curl up in a pathetic lump and cry
Go to the movies? -> think about calling a friend/look at bank account -> what movie?/What friend? -> curl up in a pathetic lump and cry

Most of the time, neither of us have the answers as to what might make her feel better or what I can do to help, which often makes me feel powerless (as I imagine she does as well). But just because there isn’t an easy solution to something, it does not mean that it doesn’t exist, so we keep trying, together.

"You are strong for getting
out of bed in the morning
when it feels like hell. You
are brave for doing things
even though they scare
you or make you anxious.
And you are amazing for
trying and holding on no
matter how hard life gets."