Let's Take it From the Top

I have a lot to say and really no idea where to start.

I got a lot of reactions after my Facebook post on #BellLetsTalk day, and that's kind of what has driven me to start this blog. Apparently lots of people thought that my post was brave or courageous or whatnot. And while I do appreciate those sentiments, I kind of struggled to accept them, and they have really got me thinking - why? Why do we see posts like that and think that it's brave to admit that we struggle with mental illness? When experiencing mental health issues to some degree is the reality for at least 1/5th of our Canadian population (www.supportcamh.ca), why do we see the admission of it as brave, and not just accept it as normal? And then again, why the hell wouldn't we? Don't we all deserve to be applauded for accepting ourselves and what we've got in a society that pushes us to do exactly the opposite? 

I have no answers right now, I just have a lot of questions. 

Then I also realized that I obviously have anxiety about telling people that I have anxiety, which is horribly twisted and ironic. But it's true. I am anxious about telling people, as I fear that they will treat me differently or look at me different or coddle me or assume that I am incapable of doing the things that they thought I was capable of doing yesterday before they knew. I try my best to never use my anxiety as an excuse - I am capable of doing most everything, it just might be a challenge for me where it may not be for others. So yeah, hearing the reactions after my post have made me anxious about the fact that people know that I'm anxious. Bah.

So, anyways, that's why I'm starting this blog. I think I also just need to be writing more, as I really enjoy it and I think my friends are starting to get sick of me ranting to them about everything (actually my anxiety tells me that they have been sick of it since they met me and they all just tolerate me but we'll get to that later). Also I'm trying to incorporate more creativity in to my life, because I think it might help me - my life has become very technical lately and I miss creating things.

So yes, on this platform, I will talk a lot about the things in my life that give me anxiety. I think I'm doing this so that people can kind of see what anxiety might be like, so that when someone that they care about comes to them and says "oh gosh well, I have anxiety, and I don't think I can do that," they know why. Or they can understand better what it means to deal with anxiety. And then I'll talk about other things that are not anxiety-related because I have an opinion about a lot of things and because honestly I need a break sometimes. And then I'll probably talk about having anxiety more, because that's my reality.

Now, on that note, everything that I write about here are my own opinions and my own experiences, and that does not mean that they are unanimous and universal to all people that deal with anxiety. Anxiety effects different people in so many different ways, and beyond that, my social situation and worldview is entirely unique to me and therefore can't directly apply to anyone and everyone, so please try to keep that in mind and I will do the same. I will try to cite any statistics and whatnot that I throw in, as well. 

I think that's a good introduction. We'll see how this goes, we'll learn and try new things together. 

"I'm starting to realize that people lack good mirrors. It's so hard for anyone to show us how we look, and so hard for us to show anyone how we feel." - John Green, Paper Towns